I'd like to think I'm growing stronger everyday as a follower of Christ. But the honest truth is that I'm a constant "work in progress". I've had a little dose of my own medicine over the last few days. Remember my word for the year? Grace? Yea, it seems I'm really good at doling it out where I feel its most worthy. Which in reality is not really showing grace at all but me being a hoarder with my grace and that is wrong on every level!
Clearly, I'm in too deep to turn back now.
Maybe you understand my thinking – Someone makes a big mistake because of their own stupid choices and everyone feels pity for them, but you (or me, in my case). Grace denied? I think so.
So, how do we get over the fact that someone hurts a whole community of people by their foolishness and offer them/their family/friends/loved ones the grace God offers us?
By dying to self! That's the only way. It's not my job to police what people do with their lives or the lives of their loved ones. I can only do my part and love them in spite of their choices. Boy, that's hard isn't it? Especially for a self-righteous personality like mine. I have just enough stubborness inside of me that I have programmed myself to fight off temptation to give in to "certain" sinful ways. Therefore, I find it easy to judge someone else who does that kind of sin.
Are you getting me?
I'm a Miss Goody Two Shoes when it comes to doing the right thing and walking the line…even though, I sin sin sin in a myriad of other ways.
Justification. I am a master!
The point is this….I am convicted about my inability to feel sorry for a group of people dealing with a genuine tragedy in my community and I realize it's a heart issue within myself and not anyone else. I'm mad that this person was doing what they were doing with NO REGARD for herself, her child or any of the people in her life who loved her. She was so wrapped up in her wild lifestyle and foolishness that her actions cost her – her life!
I'm wrong to hold back my grace and I'm sorry.
I don't like how I'm feeling and I don't like admitting it to the world either. I'm ashamed of myself. But I'm grateful that God allowed me a peak into my own heart to remind me that giving grace isn't as easy as it seems (for us who dwell in flesh). God makes it look easy, huh?
The year is quickly coming to a close. As I think back over all that's happened I pretty much rode the grace bus all throughout the year. His grace got me through and taught me that giving grace isn't about letting someone get away with something it's about letting my heart love without boundaries.
Who needs your grace today?