Who doesn't want to be an improved version of self?  Everyone wants to be better.  Think about those New Years resolutions and how fired up we were writing them down and taking them on.  We want to look our best, feel our best and of course be our best (us) in not only man's eyes but God's eyes too.

I have a jaded view of this season and it's not because I'm being a jerk or ignorant.  It's just that as a Christian, I try to "die to self" daily.  Not specifically a vice, mind you, but of stuff that doesn't belong in my life at all.  If it's not good for me and it doesn't honor Christ–why would I do it?  I get the idea of denying oneself of something beloved to remind me of Jesus' sacrifice.  Any kind of fasting usually reminds us just how little we love God and how little we live according to His ways.  :(

Sad admittance, huh?

All around me are friends/people bragging about what they are giving up for Lent.  Which in my thinking does just the opposite of what fasting should do.  You know that old 'don't let your right hand know what your left is doing' thing? (Matt. 6:3)  Don't boast or it doesn't count!  It's sacred, right?  So zip it and do it….focusing on becoming a better follower of the Most High God!  As we "struggle" with wanting whatever we've given up, God can use that to teach us to fill our lives with more of Him.

We need more of Him.

So, whether you're giving up Diet Coke, chocolate or tv for the next 40 days….don't forget to ask God to reveal the things that really need {to go} in your life.  Ask Him to show your sinfulness, selfishness and lack of faith.  That, my friend is what we need to rid our lives of the most.

This is a season of soul-searching and repentance. It is a season for reflection and taking stock. 

Don't pretend…this Lent.

PS-Easter's coming!

Away we went to the doctor, who lovingly prescribed truth serum and pain medication so I could breathe and pull up my own pants again.

So the news today is I'm down in the back …. again!

Pray for me…I don't want to share how I really feel by way of good drugs. I'd rather be like everyone else and hide it! Hehe

After verbally wounding all the people I love, including the dogs….I crawled up on my bed for a retreat nap cry escape rest and prayed for God to help me face all the attacks satan was throwing my way.  Then, I called my husband and confessed my meanness to him and begged him to come home and help me.

Before they killed me and hid my body.

No, I wasn't PMS'n either.  Trouble was just knocking on my door and I was caught unaware and answered it.  Idiot!  I did mention it was FRIDAY?  I love Friday's.  Just not this one.

The new puppy, it's up and down with the potty training.  My house smelled terrible and the laundry was piled high because of cleaning up the "accidents".  Not a good thing to come home to.  I work hard all week, I didn't want a puppy and I don't want to come home to work cleaning up after one.  Would you?

While I'm crying sulking praying on my bed, I hear my son yell, "Oh no, she peed on my iPad!".  Then I hear him stomping around up and down the stairs obviously taking his bedding to the laundry room and cleaning up the mess.  I can only assume that his new 64g iPad 2 is ok, since he isn't in my room having a total meltdown.  So, I let him handle his problem.

Until I hear the scariest screaming banging noise I've ever heard.  I jumped straight out of bed and ran searching for the source only to smell stinky smoke coming from my laundry room.  NOT THE LAUNDRY ROOM!!!  I cannot believe my eyes when I walk up to my washing machine and see that  E V E R Y blanket, cover, sheet and pillow case off of his king sized bed is in my washer!  It's poking out of the top (just like a scene from a Lucy & Ethel shenanigan) except it's not funny at all.  The washer is dead and my 21 year old son is the killer!

I have to walk away.

All of this kickstarted the "fun" weekend of searching everywhere for a belt (hoping that was all it needed) which NO ONE carried.  Why did I stop at 3 children?  I'll never know.  Laziness, maybe?  Remember all the smelly laundry?  Yea, it was now moved to the living room because hubby had to pull out the washing machine to work on it and needed to clear out the floor space.  Note:  House messy, smelly & cluttered!

After driving all over southern Indiana and biting my tongue at all the sales people who informed us they do not sell parts only new appliances–we ended up at a farm store that sold belts (for tractors and such).  We were desperate and after measuring them all against our washer belt decided to try it for $8.99.  Otherwise, we could order one and wait the week out for it to arrive.  Uhh, trying it!

By that evening, the tractor belt was on my old Maytag washer which now has a permanent screamy screech when it spins and can only handle baby loads.  Thanks hubby!  According to him, the damage is beyond the belt (a bearing, maybe) and it's only a temporary fix.  We need a new washer!  :(

I spent all of Sunday washing the piles of gross wet laundry.  But I wasn't complaining.  Downton Abbey (my favorite show) was coming on at 9pm and not only was it the season finale…..I didn't have to get up for school this morning!  Weeeeeehawwww!  

I was almost caught up with all the laundry…

Until 1am when Ally came into my room flipping out because her dog was sick all over her bed.  By morning, she had barfed on everything repeatedly and even managed to hit the staircase.

Awesome.

Guess what I'm doing on my first President's Day off in 10 years?

"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Ps. 90:12

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jer. 29:11

Every once in a while I luck up and find a good one.

This past week I purchased the new hot-off-the-press book about JFK and the mistress who had an 18 month affair with him.  I wasn't sure if this was something I could enjoy especially after paying full price for it.  Yea, I'm that cheap!  I've always been intrigued by President Kennedy.  His life, his story & his tragic death all fascinate me.  I'm not sure why (we're on opposing parties, politically) other than the history of it all.  No one, democrat or republican deserve to be assassinated for the position they hold.

This story isn't about his death.  It's about a girl who was raised by a good family, educated at a prestigious prep school and given an exciting opportunity to intern at THE WHITE HOUSE during her summer before college.  But things would take a serious turn.  As a mother, reading it was heartbreaking!  As a woman, I felt humiliated for her.  Even though she doesn't try to paint the President in a bad way…it's hard not to judge him by his actions.

I devoured the book.  The author kept me glued to every page.  I admire her for the courage to write such a revealing (and not in a flattering way) book.  I can't think of too many women that would want the world to know the secrets that this lady held onto for a lifetime.  I wish more young people could see the devastation of promiscuity that she so openly shares in her story.  She recognized the effects of it in her failed marriage.

Profound news, people.  Don't give yourself away UNLESS IT'S YOUR SPOUSE!

I totally recommend the book.  If you're looking for a peak into Camelot and ready to have your eyes opened to some painful truths.  Get it!

Once Upon A Secret by Mimi Alford

Then, her baby Stellan became the focus.  He was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect SVT during pregnancy.  So, I followed along her journey (which was very emotional and scary) and prayed for her and baby Stellan.  It was a frightening experience and as a reader, I could only imagine what she and her family were going through.  It was all over the blogosphere and this lady had the followers/readers tuning in to share in their fight for a healthy baby.  I continued reading throughout the birth and touch-n-go health issues he battled.

Everything seemed legit.

Little by little, I noticed as I read her blog…..tragic things were always happening to them.  Not just the sick baby (and please know, I'm a compassionate person), there were financial problems, foreclosure of a home, job issues (MckDaddy's), vehicle problems, marital fusses, counseling & reconciling, illness (her & Stellan), another baby (surprise), strange homeschooling posts, Compassion trips, Focus on The Family interview, political posts,  an entire summer of traveling the USA in a camper/motorhome, trips for photoshoots, more money problems, moving to a new house (and honestly, the moves didn't look shabby), purchasing of farm animals for their HEALTHY eating habits, bakoodles of pets & births of more, furniture shopping, parties at fancy antique furniture places, car wrecks, more hospitalizations…

The list goes on and on…

I totally lost interest and I'll tell you why….it sounded bonkers!  Every bit of her life sounded crazy!  Her posts were filled with beautiful pictures of her kids, always impeccably dressed in the cutest style of clothes.  As a mom, I've raised 3 babies and money was  T I G H T in order for me to stay home.  I found myself jealous of her ability to "be broke" and yet live such a lavish (the pictures certainly made it look as if, anyway) lifestyle.  She was in the upper crust of blogger celebs, yet she had piles of problems.  I couldn't keep up.

So, I bailed.  Call me unfaithful.  It's ok.  I just couldn't keep up with all the issues and the blessings too.  It just didn't seem to match up.

[Let me insert here:  I DO NOT KNOW Jennifer personally.  So my opinion is strictly based on what I've read over the years on her blog]

Every once in a while I'd hop over to see the latest happenings.  It still appeared that havoc and chaos were the name of the game and blessings & curses continued to rain down on the MckFamily.  Currently, the issues are serious marriage problems.  The posts are vague and often misleading (because, who knows THE TRUTH about what's going on?) and filled with arguing commenters posting on every little word she writes.  I can't even begin to describe how confusing and embarrassing all of it is.  It's terrible!  For her, her husband & her many small children.

I don't know what is really happening and I'm not sure if it's any of our business.  I know she makes money with her blog and she's been the target of nay-sayyers on the internet.  I just can't understand her thinking on tantilizing her readers with just enough information to make them feel awful for her and her many small children (that is how she likes to refer to them).  Why is she sharing such sad & personal stuff?  Why is she not protecting her relationship with her husband or possible ex-husband?  WHAT IS HER MOTIVE?  If it's for encouragement and support, then be honest with your readers.  Stop playing games and posting little inuendo's of your problems!

And for goodness sake, BE COMPLETELY HONEST with yourself.

I'm moving on.  I can't read the MckMama drama anymore.  I feel dupped because something just isn't right.  If I were experiencing the issues that she keeps posting…..I would not be airing it out for throngs of people to fuss, argue & criticize on Facebook and my blog.

So, I'll end with this….  Am I misunderstanding all of it?  Or is she strategically doing every bit of this for MONEY?  Either way, MckMama….you need to come clean!

So I'm wondering if I should be concerned….

Is this how she sees me?  :)  I know I've been a little aggressive as a mom (somebody's gotta be the heavy) but do you think she picked this vest for the "fashion" value or the WILD ANIMAL MOTHER thinking?

Either way, I don't care!  I love it!  She has great taste and knows just how to bless her mama!  The only problem?  Everyone keeps petting me like a kitty!

Meowwww!

Thank you Ally!  You're the sweetest little Valentine a mother could wish for.  I love your fun style and giving heart.

 Don't you see that children are God's best gift? 

      the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? 

   Like a warrior's fistful of arrows 

      are the children of a vigorous youth. 

   Oh, how blessed are you parents, 

      with your quivers full of children! 

   Your enemies don't stand a chance against you; 

      you'll sweep them right off your doorstep.  

Psalm 127:3-5 (The Message)

Not a chance, dude!

Oh well, I'm not complaining.  No make-up days means WE GET OUT OF SCHOOL ON TIME for the first time in a long time.  Winning!

Since it's Valentine's Day it's only appropriate to tell the world who I love…

My hubby.  He is and always will be my true love.  I appreciate all that he does for me and for our kids.  He works hard and still has time to do the many strange & time consuming requests we have for him.  Thank you babe, for working until after 10pm last night working on my car.  Hopefully everything works out and you finish it tonight. 

My son.  He has the greatest outlook on life.  He teaches me everyday to look at people & situations with a positive attitude.  He knows how to find joy in every situation.  He's lovable & loving!  He's also been a lifesaver this last year in all our running around needs.  Thanks son!

My middle daughter.  She knows how to make me feel special.  She loves to do sweet things for other's and will work tirelessly to make someone feel her love.  I love her hugs and I never get tired of hearing her ask me, "Did you miss me, Mom..when I was gone?". 

My baby girl.  She is a tornado of love.  She's content to be with me (even when her peers are out living it up) and she's shown some great maturity in the last few months regarding boundaries in her life.  I admire her and I love that God let me be a part of molding her values.  She's so easy to love.

My family, friends, and co-workers too.  I feel blessed to have the wonderful people around me in my life.  I know I can count on each of them if I ever need them.  My prayer is that I'm a blessing to them as well. 

Who do you love?

"Since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.”

I woke up to a dead car. Not a great way to begin a Monday, wouldn't you agree? So hubby pulled Ally's car around for me to drive since she was too "sick" to attend her early 7:00am class. Hrmph! I realize as I'm walking up to it….it's very quiet and confirm its not running when I hop onto the freezing seat. Not cool, okay too cool! It won't crank! Not for all the tea in China. If you're counting that's 2 cars not working this morning. Except I haven't mentioned that my son took his car to the shop last night to be worked on. 5 people sharing 1 car today!

AWESOME!

Good news….

I'm wearing new boots and I look good y'all!

I hope you're having a great Monday! I'm sure glad God loves you & me aren't you?

After a new plugin update, hubby installed the Cadillac Escalade of goodies to make my blogging more fun!  I've literally driven everyone crazy over switching my fonts and making little doo-dads here and there.  I knew there was a way…

4 years later, here I am y'all.  Playing with a whole new blog!

Just look out, there's no telling what you're going to see when you click into my little kingdom.  I'm going to need some time to figure everything out.  So bear with me, ok?

Everyday I learn something new.  That's good, very good!  Keeps the Alzheimer's away.  At least I'm hoping it does!

PS–THANK YOU Honey!  And WordPress, I love you too!

I wish I had an explanation for why these things happen. But, I don’t. People are human and they act like it. Especially, Christians. While one would think they behave with some form of restraint, that’s not always the case. The mind-boggling reasons for asking a pastor to leave catch us by surprise or shock us.

But does it shock God?

I don’t believe it does. He sees right past our facade of pretend. He knows the depth of our hearts and He sees the dirty black we hide there. It’s never a surprise when we reveal something painful or ugly….He’s aware even if we think we have it tucked securely away. He sees. He is El Roi (the God who sees, Genesis 16:6). There is no place God can’t see. There is no situation He cannot discern.

Sadly, the wounded left in the wake of such pain aren’t always okay. It changes everything. It alters how you feel about yourself and certainly the way other’s look at you. You become a sort of walking wounded. Almost like you have a Scarlet letter stamped on your life. It robs you of your peace, satan beats you up for every weakness and when no one supports you or stands behind you….you begin to believe all the hoopla that is said about you.

Even though…it’s not true or exaggerated!

What is our role in supporting pastors? How can you and I do what God expects of us when those around us are demanding HE GO? I’ve thought about this many times and I know without a shadow of a doubt, I WILL NOT BE A PART OF PASTOR/MINISTRY ABUSE! EVER! If I don’t like someone, it isn’t my job to run them off. If he is out of sorts with his theology or misleading his flock that is something to be addressed (in a Christlike manner). If I just don’t enjoy his sermons or think his wife does enough for the church….too bad! That’s God’s job to handle, not mine!

Petty meanness and witch hunting for problems is out and out wrong. Any Christian participating in that will face God and have to answer for it. Scripture is clear about loving one another and supporting those in leadership. Justifying your actions with bogus complaints will not cut it when faced with a Holy God. He will be our final judge.

I’ll close this sad post down with names. These are names of people I KNOW PERSONALLY who have suffered at the hands of hurtful members of the flock. Some are young, some are old…all are forever changed by what someone did to them in the name of Jesus Christ.

Susan Ben Wes Danny Bert Marilyn Randy Dustin Tanner Cody Cheryl …

I could continue with the list but I won’t. You get the picture. Pray for them and the ones facing judgement everyday by the ones they are loving and serving. You never know when it might be you.

I thought he was crazy at the time. But now that I’m getting up there in years (hehe) I see how easy it is to neglect taking care of myself. I suppose it happens to every woman. Life steals time and energy so we do what we can just to survive. Or maybe that’s just me.

Last night, my youngest daughter (she’s 17) spent the entire evening in the bathroom. I mean, 7:00pm until after 11:30pm. What was she doing? Primping, painting, showering, plucking, shaving….everything a girl needs to do on a regular basis. I had to step over her and her polish station a few times just to use the T-let! I thought she was crazy.

I’m rethinking it though.

Ladies, we should be primping! Maybe not all night long…..but at least slap some polish on and shape up the eyebrows. Right? I’m happy to say that I took just a few minutes and painted on a light coat of nail polish today.

AND I FEEL BEAUTIFUL!!

Try to do something JUST FOR YOU today! It’s invigorating!

I know…I’m missing out. My friends tell me all the time. My brain just can’t enjoy it. I love truth and if I’m going to invest hours of my time, I want to learn something. That’s just who I am.

So, after trolling the entire internet looking for a new read you’ll be surprised to see my final selection would be FICTION! I know, I drive me crazy too.

I couldn’t help it…the reviews sucked me in and the author actually wrote the story based on a case that took place in her own life. I guess you could call it a based on a true story book. Anyway, I bought it for 99 cents and if it stinks I can just put it down and walk away. Right?

My book choice? TAKEN by Debra Lee

Pretty cover, huh? I love the snowy back road scene and I’m excited to get started. Now I just need a good snow day to snuggle up and read.

Oh I kid. Snow? It skipped Indiana this winter! And I’m NOT complaining.